July 26th, 2018 by OYO Team

Bengalis are proud of their deep-rooted culture and traditional practices. No matter how many Bengalis go to USA or UK to study or even to settle down, when it comes to festivals and ceremonies, they do it the traditional Bengali way.

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A Bengali wedding is a spectacle. If you have ever attended one, you must already know how colourful everything is. Bengalis are loud and always happy. The Bengali bride is all smiles and hardly coy anymore. But you must know that what you have witnessed, is only about one- third of the entire Bengali marriage rituals that are performed.

Elaborate Bengali Wedding Rituals

Bengali weddings are an elaborate affair because apart from the few Bengalis who choose to just get the registry done and exchange the garland and follow the sindoor ritual at a temple, Bengalis are all about following the rules perfectly. They believe anything going wrong during any of the rituals like Haldi Ceremony etc., would bring bad luck upon the new couple.

The Bengali ashirwad ceremony, for example, involves the elders blessing the bride and the groom. No matter how big the family, everybody blesses the bride and the groom while they are in their semi wedding attires.

Each ritual in the Bengali wedding is unique in itself. The pre-wedding rituals itself are as long as the wedding. They span days. Here are all the pre wedding rituals of a typical Bengali marriage, explained. The fun part is, nowadays a lot of them are customised to suit the convenience of the bride and the groom and their families.

The Pre Wedding Rituals

The wedding rituals for Bengalis start days before the wedding. There are numerous pre wedding rituals that are followed. Traditionally, these rituals existed because the bride and groom did not even know each other before their wedding. So the families had to come together to decide upon the terms of the wedding and get to know each others’ families. Though that reason is obsolete today for most Bengalis, the rituals stuck.

Paka dekha

Though there is no engagement as such in traditional Bengali weddings, it has become a trend to have an engagement ceremony nowadays. But the traditional way is the ‘Paka Dekha’ way. It literally translates to ‘final meet’. It is basically the official engagement.

It is the final meet that settles that this is it. It is an official declaration by the families promising to stay put on their decisions to get their daughter and son married to each other. It is also called Pati Potro by the Bengalis of Bangladeshi origin.

The families meet and there are delectable refreshments. The elders decide upon the terms of the wedding. Modern day Bengalis leave dowry out of the discussion but if people are to exchange gifts, they put their offers in words on this meet. Apart from that, the usual terms of the marriage depending on what the bride wants or the groom wants from their new families, are discussed on this day.

Since many Bengalis marry their own friends or partners nowadays, all these discussions are obsolete. The families get straight to discussions about the wedding date and the decorations and have some chat therein. It is all fun and games. The very tedious affair of the yesteryears has become a day of fun and frolic where there are refreshments, and even games played to break the ice between the two families.

Aiburo Bhaat

This is a bridal shower or groom shower in a way. It officially happens just a day before the wedding. The bride and the groom have their last lunch as a spinster and bachelor, at their respective homes. The meal is a grand feast with many items on the menu. A lot of the items on the menu is a must and the rest is what the family chooses to make according to the bride’s choice or groom’s choice.

Gifts are given to the bride and the groom by their own relatives. This day does not involve the family of the partner to be. It is all about spending that one last day with your own family before the responsibilities of another person and his or her family gets tied to your life.

Though traditionally Aiburo bhaat is supposed to be the lunch right before the wedding day, Bengalis are flexible enough to change that. There are a lot of arrangements to be done the day before the wedding a well as for the wedding day. All the closest family members and relatives are super busy. This is why the aiburo bhaat often takes place on a holiday close before the wedding, maybe even a week earlier.

Also, it is not necessarily hosted by the groom or bride’s own family. It can be hosted by any close relative, maybe a paternal aunt or a maternal aunt. These adjustments are all done to make things easier on the bride and groom’s families because they already have a lot going on.

The Aiburo bhaat ceremony is just about a grand feast and some gifts. So it is a day of fun. Though a lot of emotions are involved, especially if the bride and groom are to move to a different city or country after marriage. It is literally the last sure meal that the family gets to treat their child with. The elders bless the bride and groom for their pending nuptials with some gifts.

Birdhi Pujo

The father of the bride and groom, or any close male member in the absence of the father, performs a Pooja at their own home. Prayers are offered to the ancestors of the family, so that they would bless the wedding. Though the Bengali Ashirwad ceremony is what happens right during the wedding, there are numerous ceremonies where the blessings of the elders and ancestors are prayed for.

Sankha Porano

A close married female relative puts conch shell bangles and red coral bangles on the bride’s wrists on the wedding eve. The Sankha and Pola are to be worn by the bride for the rest of her married life. Of course, many Bengali women do not follow these traditions anymore after 10 days from the wedding, but many still do.

Jol Sowa

This is done on the wedding day but is still a pre wedding ritual. The mothers of the bride and groom, along with some more married women, go to a nearby pond or holy river to fetch water for the bride and groom to bathe in after the haldi ritual. This makes for precious wedding moments to be added to your wedding day.

Dodhi Mangal

The bride and groom are fed sweet curd, banana, sweets, and rice flakes or ‘cheere’ before the wedding. Traditionally this is the only meal the bride and groom get to have until their wedding is over. But again, there are enough cousins to sneak in a treat for the bride or groom while they get ready. Many ominous brides and grooms avoid it anyway because it is supposed to be bad luck.

Gaaye Holud

This is the haldi ceremony. The groom’s family takes the responsibility for it. Fresh turmeric is ground and mixed with mustard oil. It is applied on the groom and the close female family members starting with his mother. The formal wedding gifts for the bride, or ‘tottwo’, along with a whole Rui maach, yes there is the Bengali trademark, is sent in creatively wrapped trays to the bride’s house along with the leftover turmeric paste in a silver bowl.

It is not exactly just the leftovers, there is enough for the bride and her female family members. The bride is smeared in haldi and so is her mother and other female members. It is basically fun. After the haldi, both the bride and the groom are bathed in the water fetched from Jol sowa.

The wedding rituals follow. The pre-wedding rituals take all morning, and even extend into the afternoon if things are delayed by any family. After the whole pre-wedding deal is over, the wedding rituals begin.

The bor jatri and boron,  that is the grand arrival of the groom and the grand welcome by the bride’s family. This itself is an elaborate process and the wedding does not start until this boron is done, followed by the Bengali Ashirwad Ceremony.

The ashirwad process if long because every close family member of the bride blesses the groom with gifts or cash, one by one, and feeds him a bit of sweet. The bride too is blessed with expensive gifts from the groom’s family members. This happens simultaneously. The boron and the ashirwad often take place at the bride’s house before they set out to the wedding venue for the wedding.

These are just the pre wedding rituals. So, you can imagine how elaborate the Bengali marriage rituals are. The wedding is as elaborate as the pre wedding rituals, with the Ashirwad ceremony being the bridge between the two followed by some post wedding rituals as well.

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About OYO Team

We’re people who love to travel and it’s a pleasure to share our experiences from around the world with you here. You’ll see our favourite destinations, quirky stays and budget stay. Also the best wedding banquet halls and the most lit party destinations. You’ll also find insightful opinions about why we travel in the first place and what it’s really like out there. Enjoy the blog and please tell us what you think - feedback welcome!